I’ve never seen a drunk hold his vomit like you do

The Blue and the Gray

Billboard: Springfield Dinner Theatre presents Dr Hibbert and Mrs Skinner butchering Driving Miss Daisy

I will not make fun of Cupid’s dink

Couch gag: Homer breaks a leg getting to the couch and Barney is sent in to replace him.

Director: Bob Anderson

Synopsis: Homer becomes wingman for Moe while Marge allows her hair to become its natural grey colour.

Discussion: Please keep in mind that I’m Australian and changing to American spellings isn’t easy, so I’m sticking with Australian English. OK?

So. Marge goes grey and Homer’s a wingman. It’s an average episode, instantly forgettable with few romantic interludes. There have been some great Valentines’ Day episodes, such as Apu declaring his love for Manjula, but this one falls very, very flat. As a stand-alone episode, it’s mediocre at best, however as a Valentines’ Day episode, it sucks hairy monkey balls. Apart from five minutes at the beginning where Moe laments his love life and Homer and Marge have been doing it all night, and Maggie kissing her arch enemy at the very end, there’s really nothing that screams romance here. Lisa remarks that Marge changing her hair colours is “empowering”, but adds that virtually everything a woman does is empowering. Really?

It’s the kind of episode you can watch over and it seems vaguely familiar, but you can’t remember any details. The lowlights are also forgettable, which makes the whole ep just blend in together like mixed baby food. Homer as a wingman is a good plot premise, but doesn’t really go anywhere. Marge as a wicked witch is just weird (but mildly amusing, for about half a second as you realise where this is going…) and the conclusion is forgettable. Something about smooching in the kitchen after Marge dyes her hair blue again.

Yawn.

Let’s get Snicker faced

Love, Springfieldian Style

Couch gag: The family rush into the living room and attach themselves to a giant mobile, but Homer’s weight crashes them down.

Director: Raymond S. Persi

Synopsis: Whilst stuck in a Tunnel of Love ride, the Simpsons tell three stories of love.

Discussion: Who doesn’t love Valentine’s Day? Well, OK, it’s a lame holiday… but full of TV gold. This episode is The Simpsons‘ offering from 2008 and one of the better episodes of the season.

Bonnie and Clyde , starring Homer and Marge as the title characters. Bonnie (Marge) is only turned on by violence, leading Clyde (Homer) to rob banks and pull in a civilian (Ned) to help. When Ned snitches, Bonnie and Clyde’s love ends in gunfire. The ending surprised me because it’s quite graphic for the show: the sequence lasts over a minute where Bonnie and Clyde are fired upon without dying or even bleeding. I understand the episode was heavily edited for UK audiences but I don’t know what happened on the original Australian airing (I’d long given up watching new episodes by this point). It’s not a very strong segment and the ending really is quite shocking. Despite bloody, gory deaths being shown on the show before (usually in Halloween episodes), this particular one was disturbing. Maybe it was the lack of blood and death which made it so eerie?

Shady and the Vamp is a parody of Disney’s Lady and the Tramp. The film is classic Disney and everyone knows the scene where Lady and Tramp are sucking on spaghetti. Here, Shady (Homer) and Vamp (Marge) have a fling but Vamp ends up with a litter of Barts and Lisas, who wander off to find their father Shady and wind up very close to the gas chamber of the local pound. Again, this is a little bit disturbing- no one likes to think about animals being euthanised. Being a Disney fan, I loved this segment, particularly the song sung by all the characters. The Siamese Cats (Patty and Selma) are just one of the highlights from this segment. I was sad to see it end!

Sid Vicious & Nancy Sid and Nancy’s story happened before my time, but even I know that they were destroyed by drugs. Of course, you can’t show drug dependency on The Simpsons so they’ve replaced heroin with… chocolate. Come on! Give the fans some credit! Get Nancy (Lisa) and Sid (Nelson) addicted to caffeine or some other mostly-harmless substance. The drug/chocolate scenes are numerous and overpowering so that their codependent love story is overshadowed, as I guess their real-life relationship was. At least this story doesn’t end with an alleged murder and death by overdose.

As a Valentine’s Day ep, it’s OK. It doesn’t get overly mushy and keeps that satirical edge throughout the episode. I found parts of it quite disturbing and am glad Sid and Nancy’s demise wasn’t shown, although I guess it could have been an interesting bookend to the Bonnie & Clyde non-death segment…

I keep my pants on in this version

I Love Lisa

I will not call the principal “Spud head”

Couch gag: the family dance and are joined by a circus

Director: Wes Archer

Synopsis: The second grade are making Valentines and Lisa drops one in Ralph’s basket because he had no others. Ralph mistakes this as being a real romantic interest and gives Lisa everything she wants.

Discussion: This is one of those episodes that thrive off a single quote: I choo-choo-choose you. As soon as you say it, everyone knows what you’re talking about and the pain of Ralph’s rejection at the Krusty anniversary special. Of course, the latter is heightened by Bart who has taped the show and can pinpoint the exact moment when Ralph’s heart is ripped in two…

Most of us have had a crush on someone and some of us had little presents delivered to our door by people who had a crush on us. Ask my sister about the kid who left presents at our door and rode up and down the street waiting to see if we’d found it yet. It was so cute! Anyhoo, this ep explores Ralph Wiggum as a full character. He was introduced in Moaning Lisa but his relationship to Chief Wiggum was not established til now. He’s also seen as a “magnificent” actor (according to Selma, or is it Patty?) but lacks intelligence; he isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. This is probably the most depth we see to Ralph, from here on in he’s just a dimwitted ploy to get cheap jokes (but I’m not complaining, he’s hilarious).

This is a cutesy episode where one is gunning for Lisa to speak her truth that she doesn’t really like Ralph, but yet gunning for Ralph because he’s going to be crushed. Bart pausing the tape is sadly funny and both emotions are captured separately on screen by Bart (amusement) and Lisa (sadness and empathy).

 

She’s a heifer, plain and simple

Principal Charming

I will not belch the national anthem

Couch gag: The couch pops out like a sofa bed

Director: Mark Kirkland

First appearance of:
Groundskeeper Willie
Hans Moleman

Synopsis: Marge tells Homer to find a man for her sister Selma, and Homer chooses Principal Skinner. At the introductory dinner, Skinner sees Patty first and pursues her. After a series of disastrous dates and knockbacks for a goodnight kiss, Skinner falls in love with Patty and asks her to marry him.

Discussion: Maybe I’m getting senile in my old age, but I don’t remember this episode at all. Anyhoo… Here we have Skinner’s first-seen attempt at falling in love. Until this episode, he’s been a bit of a loner (except when hanging out with his mother) so we’re seeing another side of him. He even turns a blind eye to Bart’s hijinks as Bart is suddenly an extension of his growing love for Patty. I don’t buy Patty’s reason not to marry Skinner, but for her to marry him this early in the series would destroy the twinship and future storylines, but surely a better excuse could have been found?

It’s also the first episode not to focus solely on the Simpson family, instead focusing on secondary characters of Skinner and Patty. It’s a great episode, the depth of characters really brings out the talents of the writers and cast. Also watch out for references to films such as Vertigo and Gone With the Wind.